When the World is Not That Wonderful

Today is my free day. My classes were cancelled and I planned it to be just like any other free day. A trip to the salon for a bit of plucking (and waxing), relax and get lost in National Bookstore and buy a few toiletries. My bestfriend, Rochie, told me that the magazine where she is being featured, so I grabbed a copy, too.

But somewhere between my salon trip and waiting for my boyfriend for lunch, I felt a sudden attack of anxiety. I was trembling. I have no idea why. I blamed hypoglycemia so I grabbed a pack of chocochip cookies and munched on them while waiting for my boyfriend.

On the train home, I felt a little under the weather. I washed 500mg of paracetamol down my throat before going back to my chapter summaries for Pathology.

I was procrastinating with Facebook and Harry Potter while typing the first part of my chapter summaries when Mom called me with very bad news. My Lola is in the hospital and its not looking good. My Dad is already arranging to come home over the weekend.

I felt the cold rushing through my veins. My hands turned clammy. My feet was ice. My runny nose suddenly walked. Harry Potter failed to amuse me this time. More so Pathology. I don't know if its the nerves or fear or whatever, I know that I definitely cannot focus on Pathology tonight.

The prospect of losing a loved one is slowly overcoming my being. I didn't grow up under Lola's eyes but she is a doting Lola. There was a huge metropolitan and two long expressways between us. But everytime we're together, she always makes me feel like I'm her only apo. Even if there are actually more than a dozen others.

When I moved to the city to study, I got to see my Lola more often. Since I was an expressway nearer, whenever she was rushed to the hospital because of some malady, I will definitely be on duty for at least one night.

I'm going to be a doctor. I should be ready for things like these. But things are definitely a lot different when it's a loved one on the line. I am spiraling Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' five stages of grief.

I have been writing this post for an hour now. And I still can't find the right words to finish it. So I will leave it hanging... hoping... that acceptance will come soon.

I.Am.Woman.

Two weeks ago, I came upon a book in Fully Booked Gateway about the Women of the Bible, written by Ann Spangler and Jean A. Syswerda. It chronicles the life and times of each remarkable woman in the Bible, as well as her legacy and promise. As it writes about the matriarchs such as Eve, Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel and Leah, the book also took into account the other women with smaller yet not lesser roles. The likes of Abigail, the wife of King David, Miriam, Moses' sister and even the Widow with Two Coins, as told in one of Jesus' parables.

The Bible is known to be patriarchal, as the accounts described took place at the time and age when the male species dominated and women were treated like second class citizens. But despite this set-up, these women had the courage and made a name for themselves.

Fast forward to the future. Here in my time. Though the society have changed drastically and women and men are *almost* equals, one can still see the Hagars, Rahabs, Delilahs and Magdalenes walking about. The Marys, Elizabeths, and Esthers still inspiring.

Women, no matter at what time, age and era, always manage to rise above.